WHY WOMEN HAVE MORE FRIENDS By Ms. EVA KHALISKA PRANATA (ENGLISH TEACHER SMAK TIRTAMARTA BPK PENABUR)
Berita Lainnya - 12 October 2023
Is there a man among you who dare say that he can live alone? In our modern life nowadays, we must have relationship with others. even in business - where everything is too limited to allow people to see what is in our hearts - we need a person to whom we call friend. Arthur Christopher Benson says, "Because of a friend, life is a sweeter, stronger, fuller, more gracious thing for the friend's existence, whether he be near or far. If the friend is close at hand, that is best, but if he is far away, he still there to think of, to wonder about, to hear from, to write to, to share life and experience with, to serve, to honor and to love." Still, such friendships are so rare among men. This essay will show why women have more friends and how to apply the same thing in men's lives.
While women freely talk about their feelings, most men have had no practice in the art of intimacy to point the way. It is said that men use their thoughts more than their emotions. On the other hand, women often use their hearts more than their brains. We know, little girls can walk to school hand in hand, hold each other, hug and cry and say, "You are my best friend. I need you. I love you." Little boys wouldn't dare. Since the beginning of men's life, they have learnt not to express their felling. For instance, they must not cry whatever happens to them or their parents will punish them and call them cengeng (sissy). And it influences their behaviour toward anyone they will meet. Women talk about trust and confidentiality while men describe a friend as "someone I go with" or "someone whose company I enjoy". For the most part, men's friendship revolve around activities while women's revolve around sharing. A man will describe as 'my very good friend' a person who is on occasional tennis partner or someone he just met five minutes ago. But are they friends? A man said, "You know, I don't have enemies in this world. I have never got angry or quarreled with anybody. And I have been the leader of many organizations. I seem to be popular. but as a matter of fact, popularity is not the same as intimacy. Now I realize that to be loved deeply by everyone. Oh! I have no friends...".
If a man cannot show anger, he cannot show love as well. his emotions are so tightly controlled that has no range. Golda Meir says, "I have always felt sorry for people afraid of feeling, of sentimentality, who are unable to weep with their whole heart. Because those who do not know how to laugh either". A husband said, "I hear everybody says that communication is the secret of successful marriage. But what is left to talk about with a woman you've lived with 29 years? I know what she thinks about most things, she's heard my stories a hundred times so when I come home we ask each other what we ate for lunch. And that's all". Undoubtedly, conversation with your longtime friends will be boring if you limit yourselves to facts, as many people do. But if when you and your partner get together in the evening, you talk about your feelings, there will always be plenty to discuss, for everyone has a hundred different emotions during the day. Here, for instance, are three ways a man can tell his office partner about lunch when he returns :
Limited to fact: "Agus and I went to the Nanang restaurant for lunch today".
including opinions: "Agus and I talked at lunch today. I really don't think his idea for going on computers is going to work".
Including emotions: "I got depressed after Agus and I had lunch today. I guess I'm discouraged that Agus is in with the boss right now but I'm not." Whichever one you choose will influence the depth of your conversation with your partner.
Although relationships are complex, they can be learned and becoming an expert at friendship will be one of the most rewarding projects our life time. Moreover, talking about your feelings to get closer with anyone is the most important way. Women have known this grand recipe, that's why women have more friends, and why men do not do the same. Then if you have boys - or become parents, you shall not try to change your children to be what you want to be. just help them to be those men and women who God made them to be, and let them freely talk about their feelings! At least, no one has to be alone.
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